While studying at the university, one of my fellow students shared an idea I had thought about for a long time. "When a guy and a girl meet, they need to understand whether they are compatible sexually. That's why it is necessary to "try" each other out before a serious relationship."
Such a view has long since become accepted as the norm. Moreover, the idea that intimate relationships before marriage are wrong causes sincere surprise or a smile in society. Everyone assumes that it is all right to have sex when you want and with whom you wish, freedom from prohibitions, and that they are free from frameworks and restrictions. But is this the case?
What does the Bible say?
For a Christian, God and His Word are the basis of his worldview and judgments. However, the views of society and the trends promoted can cause a sense of ambiguity. Is God opposed to human sexuality? Why shouldn’t I have sex before marriage? What is the problem with that?
God does not forbid and does not consider intimacy to be wrong. Sex is God's gift to humans, created for both procreation and pleasure. The Bible does view people who have intimate relationships outside the marriage relationship as "sinners,” but the deliberate refusal of sexual relations does not make one holier and does not add to righteousness.
The Bible clearly describes the beauty and blessing of sex: Awake, O wind from the north, and come, wind from the south, let its fragrance flow! Let my beloved come to his garden, and let him eat the best of his fruit!... (Song of Songs 4:16) At the same time, the Scriptures indicate that premarital sex is a sin and often emphasize the need to protect yourself from it. The works of the flesh are evident: adultery, uncleanness, and fornication (Gal. 5:19). It destroys a person's relationship with God and destroys a person from the inside. It becomes the cause of problems in personal and family life.
The main idea of the Bible regarding intimacy before marriage can be reduced to two words: love and purity. The scriptures emphasize the value of love, which is opposed to selfishness, lust, and lack of patience. Love is not only strong feelings but also the willingness to serve another person.
This is a desire to please someone other than yourself. The basis of such a relationship should be love for God and a desire to obey, serve and please Him in all areas of life. Only after reaching deep love for Christ can we understand the essence of love and share it with another person. Therefore, the time to get married is also to prepare for a life filled with self-sacrificing love and an opportunity to review your relationship with God.
The Bible also emphasizes the importance of purity in premarital relationships. Let everyone have forthcoming marriage and an undefiled bed, and God will judge fornicators and adulterers (Hebrews 13:4).
NEV Let marriage be held in high honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Sex outside marriage is sinful and leads to condemnation. Chastity is not just the absence of extramarital relations. It means constantly examining the heart, and control of one’s thoughts and desires, and what is watched and listened to. Relationships before marriage should be based on a desire to remain pure sexually, morally, and spiritually.
Consequences of premarital sex
Premarital sex is the opposite of God's plan and the Bible's view of relationships before marriage. This problem cannot be reduced to the mere perception of it in society. He infuses life in all areas. Therefore, several main reasons why premarital sex can deeply harm us can be identified:
1. It is a loss of relationship with God. The problem with the first sin was that people chose their way, ignoring the instructions and relationship with God. This applies to the present. Rejecting the plan He gives, people deliberately question God's wisdom by pretending to be like God. By disobeying, a person declares that communication with God has no value and that the Creator himself cannot be considered the final authority. This leads to profound consequences. A conscious choice to sin distances one from the Creator and leads to a catastrophe in spiritual life.
2. It's slavery, not freedom. It is probably the biggest mistake to consider sin and deviation from God’s plan as a manifestation of freedom. Sex before marriage is a skillful trap that the devil uses to destroy our relationship with God. As with any sin, he assures that such an act is normal and safe. After that, the devil acts as an accuser and convinces the person of the impossibility of getting forgiveness and restoration. This is the slavery of a sinful life, which takes away happiness and peace.
3. This is an attempt to sell what is priceless as if it is a cheap sale item on sale. The uniqueness and value with which God created us cannot be reduced to looks, character traits, or even abilities and talents alone. It needs to be separated from the sum of a person's achievements or his positive influence on society and the world. Each person is valuable by himself, as God's creation.
But he/she also has an invaluable gift that they can pass on to someone else - themselves. This is not only the body but also one's inner world, all the depth of feelings and love. An attempt to make a priceless gift into a promotional product for mass consumption is a deliberate devaluation of oneself. Open yourself to someone ready to spend their life with you and give all of themselves to you, realizing the value of personality, relationships, and sex.
4. It leads to relationship problems. By having sex before marriage, a person consciously limits the fullness of the relationship so it cannot be all that it was created to be and intended by God. T When we are satisfied with only a part of what God wants for our relationship (only the sexual partIntimacy is limited to only one level and is not created at all levels of the relationship. The lack of complete unity leads to shaky and short-lived relationships. For them, serious work is necessary to develop the spiritual and emotional areas of their relationship. When a couple does not invest in mutual understanding, respect, and trust but only considers the sexual part necessary, the relationship may not withstand the first difficulties.
5. It hurts and breaks us. Sex cannot be reduced to a physiological process only. Intimate relationships form a profound psychological and spiritual connection between partners. If they do not continue building a strong, loving relationship, it will lead to pain and devastation. A person loses hope in finding happiness or achieving healthy relationships. Each attempt at such a relationship hurts the person further and makes future recovery even more difficult.
6. This is not love. The idea that the readiness to give oneself even before marriage proves the depth of their feelings for one another but this is not true. At the heart of premarital sex lies selfishness and lack of patience - features that are the opposite of love. True love is ready to wait and to serve. Lust and selfishness result in the desire to get everything at once. Love is a desire to follow God's plan, which leads to healthy relationships. Premarital sex is to steal blessings and cause difficulties now and in the future.
The main reason the Bible is against extra-marital relationships is that there is a better alternative. Refrain from being tempted to think that waiting until marriage means losing or limiting yourself in something. God has planned something much more valuable and better for us. A place where we can experience the fullness of God's relationship with the one we love.
Where we can give ourselves entirely without fear of rejection or trampling, where connections are not limited to sex but are filled with God-given love, respect, and a willingness to serve the loved one in everything, this is the place of marriage. It is not for nothing that Christ is the perfect example of love in marriage.
By waiting for marriage, we indicate the depth of our relationship with God and trust in His guidance in all aspects of life. We acquire a life filled with meaning, happiness, and God's blessing.
And what about…
But if I'm going to marry this person anyway? What is stopping us from having sex before marriage?
Abstinence before marriage is a test of your relationship and a sign of true love. Love is patient (1 Cor. 13:4). The desire to get everything at once indicates selfishness, not depth of love. Show your loved one that you are ready to wait and that your relationship is built on mutual respect, not emotions and desires. Also, it will show faithfulness to God's plan for marriage and relationships. In this way, you prove your love and trust in the Creator.
Is having safe sex before marriage a sin? What are its implications?
The sin of premarital sex is not limited to a specific type of intercourse. The Bible indicates that even dirty thoughts are included. Any alternative to marriage created by God, regardless of the particulars, is a sin and leads to consequences.
The problem of intimate premarital relationships cannot be reduced only to using protection when engaged in intercourse. Safe sex can protect against possible external implications but it has the same effect on our hearts. It is impossible to avoid the disunity, desolation, and disappointment that come with replacing marital relationships with extramarital ones. There is no means of "protecting the heart" other than knowing God's plan for us and trusting Him.
I had sex before marriage. What should I do? Do I have any hope of happiness?
Well… Premarital sex can have a profound effect on your life. You may feel devastated and broken. However, God shows his great love and wants to give you a fulfilling relationship. The recovery and healing process is complex and lengthy but not impossible. First of all, you need to recognize the sinfulness of your act and the full extent of its consequences. Second, the basis for restoration is a strong relationship with God.
Spend time with Him, pray, study the scriptures, and enjoy His presence. Make communication with the Creator the standard and foundation of your life.
This is how you can understand God's relationship plan and apply it. Third, you need to find someone you can trust and who will be your mentor. You can be accountable to her/him for your own life, and he/she will support you in times of spiritual crisis and sadness.
Finally, be honest. If you want to build a marriage relationship with someone, you must open your life to that person. It is not easy, but this way, you will show love, respect, and obedience to God's Word.
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